Tuesday, September 7, 2010

much simpler times.

i started my internship today. one of my tasks was to grade their math tests. it was dealing with money and what number is smaller in the group. the basics.

as i've been thinking about my first day i've realized time as an elementary school student was much easier. and for as long as i can remember i wished those years away.

being almost 18, i've experienced emotions that 9 year olds wouldn't understand. one of them being heartbreak. its painful, physically painful. i felt as if i couldn't breathe and nothing would ever be ok. i had a hard time with looking at the big picture, that one day my broken heart would heal. i wanted to hide away from the rest of the world. i became selfish. it takes a toll on a person. i can say for a long period of time i didn't feel happy. yeah i had happy days and i put on a good front but inside i wasn't happy.

which leads me to my next emotion, pure happiness. i wish i could remember the day i woke up and realized that i was once again happy, but i think it was over a period of time. fake it till you make it, thats what i did. there is nothing like knowing you are truly happy with your life. i am truly happy with my life and the decisions i have had to make up to this point. its funny, i look back on the time when i had my heartbroken into a million pieces and i made it through the pain. now thats not to say that i did it all on my own. with help from family, friends, and my heavenly father i was able to get past the bad, and focus on the good. if i only knew of the outcome before hand. how much easier it would have been? its so good to laugh and smile don't you think?

i'm telling you all this, because currently i am having a conversation with a friend about how scary it actually is to love again, or let your self open up after a heartbreak. i believe it is something that every person needs to go through. it made me appreciate the good even more, and know that "this to shall pass". its a time for a fresh start. a new outlook on life.

as much as it hurt to have my heartbroken, it wouldn't change the experince i went through. it made me a better person.

perhaps it is easier to be in elementary school, and never have to grow up, but who said life was easy? its worth it though.

"in all living have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed not just endured"
and remember, the heart of life is good.

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