Tuesday, July 19, 2011

avoiding the unavoidable

remember when i wrote this?
i explained how i loathe change. that it makes me uncomfortable and gets hold of my emotions. i hide away from the world in hopes of avoiding change. its easier that way. the fear of being hurt is more present at times of change and no one likes to be hurt. only a tiny piece of hope fills those cracks where you were once whole. and it takes unknown strength to get out of bed in the morning, to continue on in life as if nothing is wrong. faking a smile here and a laugh there. its hard and it comes when its least expected, but isn't that how it always goes?

this summer, for some has been one of adventures; of memories made. and though i have had both of those things. its been one of many changes as well. i'm fighting the world to keep things the way that they are. i'm so scared for whats to come that it occupies my every thought. i'm trying to stay strong, to remember the last time my life changed so dramatically and how i got through it, how i became whole again, but only that brings the fear of having to put myself back together again.

some days are better than others. some days the unknown feeling excites me, leaving me curious as to why certain events happened and the underlying reason. other days i'm filled with doubt and can't shake the feeling. its a whirlwind it really is.

the only cure i have found, is walking in faith. leaning on my testimony and the support of others. praying my heart out and listening intently for the answers. the gospel is what gets me through.

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